To My Future Mrs…

I am OCD. I make lists because that is how life stays organized to me. I enjoy a clean house. I like to have my back rubbed. I will dance around in my underwear, though I am a terrible dancer. I enjoy showers and baths with you. I love to cook you dinner. I love to be able to look at you from across the room and say “she’s mine”. I want to do our devotionals together. If you pray over me it will warm my heart. I will get defensive if I feel like I am being attacked. I will hurt you, but it won’t be intentional. Sometimes I can be very emotional. Sometimes I can be irrational and I do things out of my character when I feel desperate for a response. I won’t always understand you or “get” you. I will buy you things. I can’t help it. I will love you, not always how you want, but I will love you. I will disappoint you and spend days apologizing and trying to make it right. I will hold you and sometimes I will forget to hold you. I am stubborn, but I am working on it. I am selfish, but God is dealing with that part of me. I allow life to consume me, which in turn neglects us, but I am getting help with that. I will shush you if you are talking loudly in public. It’s not to be rude, it’s just because people are staring at us like we are crazy! I will brag about you to my friends. I am set in my ways, though if you are willing to keep me in my place I will soften up. I will watch you sleep, because you are so beautiful to me. I will take pictures of you without you knowing because I love candid shots. I get stressed out very easily. You will become my everything. I will take care of you and always want to protect you. Sometimes I will overstep. I will avoid talking if I think it may lead to an argument, but I am working on that as well. I have a tendency to love fearfully, to expect the worse, but everyday I get better, because I now know that I deserve the best. I have insecurities. I will love your family, and when they wrong you or hurt you I will take it personally. Sometimes I won’t communicate well. Sometimes I will say the wrong thing. Sometimes I will be hard to be with. Sometimes I will take what you say the wrong way. I will always want what’s best for her. I will do everything I can to help you reach your goals. I will support you. I am learning to compromise more. I am learning to love in the moment and not worry about the tomorrow. I love a woman who takes pride in her body and her health. I want a woman who gets angry when someone says I look like I’ve gained weight, especially when I am self conscience about my weight already. Sometimes I need a few hours of space, to just write or sit or just be. This is nothing personal against you, I just need it for me. I want a woman who fights me on my wrongs and will tell me I am wrong when the stubborn me just wants to agree to disagree. I want a woman who will throw out the rug that I continue to sweep things under. I want a woman who won’t give up on us and she knows I just need a knock over the head sometimes. I want you.

Everyone has always allowed me to have my way and I have always been okay with that. Some have simply walked away when they felt I was not willing to be what they needed or because they didn’t want to change me. Making me better for me and ultimately for us is not changing me, it is growing me. And I am ready to grow…up.

“I have always thought that I was okay, just as I was. And the right person would take me, just as I was. But now I realize the right person does not need who I was, she needs who I am willing to be.” STW

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