I know I have been absent over the weekend, but my family was very busy! My apologies to my readers.
My cousin got married yesterday! And oh my gosh what a joyous and beautiful occasion it was! But it really made me reflect on and think about a lot of things. And it actually made this last day of my grace challenge much more appealing to write about.
My first few blogs were me dealing with a breakup that was awful. Not that we hate each other, but that I lost whom I thought was my soulmate. The next few were me sorting through my flaws in the relationship and setting the expectations of how I wanted to and would be better. Then God creeped in, like He has been doing over the last month and a half of me really recreating myself to be who I know I should be, as He tore me down layer by layer, removing all the bad habits I had created, cleansing me of all the things He never intended to be apart of me. Then humility showed up last week. And how grateful I was for its presence!
Yesterday, I realized that life is so much bigger, so much deeper, so much more breathtaking than I had given it credit for. But it is also very short. My cousin married the love of her life yesterday. The man she has dated for the last 9 years. They are not without their flaws and faults and they finally made the decision to “do life” together, despite the pettiness, despite any hurt they had caused one another over those 9 years, despite what anyone said, despite how hard it was or had been or would be. They left the resentment, the bitterness, the judging, the bad times all behind. They chose each other. Indefinitely.
I have been single for exactly 44 days today. Ha, that sounds like I am a recovering alcoholic or something. Hi, my name is Sham, and I am single. And along with that humility last week, that was separate from any dealings with the breakup, came peace, which was all dealing with the breakup. I am a wonderful woman, no pride or conceit intended. And I am layered, very layered. But I deserve the woman who is complete enough herself to take me as such, and be happy with the work that God is doing to transform me daily for my betterment, which will evolve into our betterment. My best friend said to me “your destiny is never tied to anyone who left. If they want to leave, let them go.” And last week I realized how true that was. My destiny is in front of me, along with so much joy!
Yesterday was a great day! For my cousin, for our family, for her new husband and the family they have together. And for me. God has shown me so much grace, so much mercy, and so much love over the last 44 days. And He has put all of those things around me through my friends and my family. Life is too short to hold grudges, to waste time being upset, or pondering over what was, good or bad. Because we do not have the ability to alter the past, and I will not continue to carry it with me into my future. Yesterday was a release. Everyone needs a release.
“Forgiveness never gave me much of a release or ceased my worrying. Because I could never forget. But forgetting is the true release. It is the true renewal. And today, I forget.” -STW