I can honestly say that I have less than 10 close friends, with about 4 of those being classified as best friends.
About 3 years ago, I moved away from my hometown, from the place I had known and lived my entire life, to embark a journey that would set the tone for something I wanted in my future life. Before I moved, I had so many “friends”. Everyone wanted to be around me. On a daily basis, I probably hung out with about 15 different people. Sounds exhausting, right? But I was incredibly social. I thought I needed that status. I moved back to my hometown a little over 8 months ago. All of those “friends” from before…yeah I am still waiting to hear from them. I am not saying that this is a bad or a good thing, I am simply saying it just is.
I began to look at the intimate relationships that I have, and not intimate in a sexual or physical way, but the people who know me pass my exterior, pass the bar, pass the house parties, pass the weekend hangouts, pass my professional life. The people who truly KNOW me. And there are not many. And guess what, I am okay with that. My circle is very small and for good reason. Everyone is not your “friend” and I have learned that the hard way over the years. Sure on social media, some of us can appear to have friends in abundance, but social media is not real all the time. It is simply a means of communication.
What do I mean by intimacy?
Simply put, just what the definition says. And women are much more capable of having intimate, platonic relationships with one another. It is almost expected of us. And I love that about being a woman! We get to have these amazing connections with one another.
My circle knows me and when I am with them, I can be myself. I don’t have to entertain them. One thing I realized about my social life before the move is that I often allowed that part of me to shape my identity. I wasn’t really a “party every night” type of person. I didn’t really enjoy going out every single night. Sometimes I wanted to just be mellow. But I had literally allowed this need for acceptance to alter and break my identity, ultimately causing me to have missed connections because these people didn’t really know me.
Who are you? Who is your circle and who should merely be in the acquaintance pile? How many people do you truly have intimate relationships with and who are you just entertaining?
“If there were more intimacy in the world, I honestly believe that there would not be so much need for acceptance or toleration. For intimacy breeds attraction, which in turn fosters identity and self development.” -STW