Forgiveness is a heavy, heavy thing. And so incredibly complicated. Do you know what I hate hearing the most? “I’ll forgive you, but I’ll never forget.” Is that really forgiveness? Or is that just sweeping it under the rug? Because forgetlessness causes things to be brought up again later. I would rather forgive and forget. Forgetting, for me, is the ultimate release. If we have dealt with it, I have no need to remember it, to make you feel bad for it, to hold it over your head, to drag it into the future.
I’ve been battling with God a lot lately about forgiveness and love. And I think that’s why He keeps attempting to push me back to grace. One of my favorite chapters in 1 Corinthians is chapter 13. And we all know the verses:
“Love is patient and kind, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude. Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered. It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil. Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. Love never fails!”
It goes on to say that “For now there are faith, hope, and love. But of these three, the greatest is love.”
Love failed me. Love was not patient with me. Love kept a grocery list of my wrongs. Love did not rejoice in my truth and was not hopeful. Love left me. I also failed love. I was not hopeful in love. I was fearful in love. I was selfish at times with love. I was jealous in love. And I was not always supportive in love.
I asked an older lady that I know how she and her husband had been married for 45 years. She said to me “I’ll tell you why. Because I knew things would be bad. I knew they would be good, but I also knew they would be bad. There were times when I didn’t like him. There were even moments when I thought I couldn’t love him. There were things that he did and said that hurt me to my core, but I loved him. Biblically. With everything that I had. And he loved me the same. And sometimes life would get in the way and we would lose sight of one another and why we chose each other. But we always found our way back. And I wouldn’t want to do life with anyone but him. You see the problem with you young folks today is that you want everything to be perfect. You don’t want to be hurt. You want to be loved a specific way. But that’s just not reality. You learn one another. And it takes time. You have to allow yourselves to adjust to one another. You don’t know this person. You will always be learning this person. And you have to give them room to mess up. And they will. Repeatedly. And sometimes they just won’t get it. But when it is true love, divine love, that moment when everything settles and comes together will be the best moment of your life.”
What hope to know that there is no perfect human love. Only God’s love is perfect. But if you keep at it, one day you will look up and realize that even in the worse times with that person, you were still living the best times of your life.
If you love them, don’t let them go. I also hate that saying about letting go and if it’s yours it will come back. Because although time can heal, it can also destroy. Keep at it. Love harder! Listen closer! Speak louder! Be better! Individually and together. Just keep progressing. Even in the storms, dance in the rain. Because love, real love, doesn’t come often. But you have to be prepared to fight for it and through it. Don’t give up. Forgive yourselves, forgive them. Forget. And continue to love.
“I will never stop a woman from loving me, no matter her methods. Because for me, her love will be enough. The details can be sorted through with time. And we have plenty of time.” -STW