Again 

I love you.
Yet I didn’t know how to love you.
I pushed you and I pulled you
Until you could no longer find you.

And then I lost you.
And in that I lost me.
Which in retrospect is a good thing
Because I was no use to the old me.

I am broken.
And lost.
And tossed aside and behind
And see myself of no cost.

But I love you.
That has always been true.
Even when I didn’t know how to show you.

I’m in love with your gray hair.
There is wisdom there
And at times I couldn’t help but stare
It is beautiful.

I’m in love with your smile.
For it could move me a thousand miles.
And at the same time make me feel like I never left my place.
It has the power to defy time and space.
It is beautiful.

I became addicted to your smell.
It could pull me from my deepest hell.
But these things I before could never tell.
I was under my own spell.
It was beautiful disaster.

My favorite part of you is your hands.
And if I could write you a note in the sand
Or in the sky it would be about how I
Felt comfort from those hands.
I miss those hands.
They are beautiful.

I am aware that I’ve caused you pain.
And for me, my anew came with the washing of rain.
And you say a hug can fix anything,
So let me hug you.

Let me hug you until your heart feels again.
Until you smile at me again
Until you long for me again
Until you like me again
Until you love me again
Until you want me again
I just need an again.

Because I am beginning to find me.
And I am beginning to see all the things that, before, I could never see.
I am beginning to feel and to heal and deal and fight against and for all the things that are real.
I have found my beginning.
I want to do away with our end.
And I want you as my forever.

I hope that we can begin, again.

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